Healing From Trauma
Furrowed brows. Closed eyes. Emotional storm ranging within. This is life with trauma.
One of the purposes of this newsletter is to better inform and equip the community on the realities a Ruth Harbor mom faces as she prepares to parent her child.
Last month, we highlighted the need for Criminal Justice Reform in some key areas that impact the women of Ruth Harbor and their families. In 2025, most Ruth Harbor moms have crime-related issues they must deal with in a system that is overwhelming to navigate by yourself.
We also highlighted Generational Poverty as the root cause of the multitude of issues confronting Ruth Harbor moms. This is illustrated by “A Day In the Life Of A Child Of Poverty,” which is simply a compilation of real-life moments we hear from the women of Ruth Harbor.
Understanding the Effects of Trauma
Every women who comes to Ruth Harbor is dealing with the effects of trauma, often experienced as a child. Whether in the form of abuse or neglect, these childhood experiences shape how we interpret the world and how we respond to stress. Unfortunately, trauma is a hidden disease that is most often undiagnosed, and, therefore, until someone names it and can start us on the path to healing, we live in self-isolated shame trying to dull the pain with destructive coping mechanisms, often drugs and alcohol.
Why Childhood Trauma Is So Destructive
Dr. Bruce Perry is one of the leading experts today on the effects of childhood trauma. Through extensive research and case studies, Dr. Perry can demonstrate how our brains are shaped by our unique childhood experiences. He notes that a baby’s brain is developing at an astounding rate, and every new experience is logged in a personal codebook in the brain. Later, traumatic experiences manifest as complex memories that cannot be understood rationally.
For example, a child may have experienced abuse at a young age that she does not remember as an adult. Yet, when she encounters a certain smell, it triggers a violent reaction in her. There is no rational reason this specific smell should trigger such negative reactions, but it does, and, unfortunately, as an adult woman, she can’t remember this early traumatic experience so she concludes that she is simply weird and is ashamed of her behavior.
The way our body is designed, we have a complex survival system that activates quickly in response to stress or danger. Adrenaline surges through our body and our heartbeat quickens, our senses become highly acute to our surroundings and our brain tells us to run. This all happens in seconds.
Observing someone in the throws of this kind of panic is both unsettling and alarming. There is no rational reason for someone to react this way. There is no danger and, to the observer, this looks like a crazy person. In fact, our response to her might be, “you’re crazy.” More shame.
While trauma has clear physical and emotional effects on us, it also has unfortunate social impact. Feeling like she is an oddball, crazy, weird, and irrational, overtime it is common for a woman to self-isolate. She is still struggling with all the effects of trauma, but at least she isn’t having irrational outbreaks in the presence of other people.
The Road to Healing
Someone who has a lot of trauma in their life and have lived with the effects of trauma must learn to rebalance their physical and emotional systems. This begins with helping a woman understand how their response to stress has become over-sensitized and she panics easily to perceived threats in her environment.
This starts with competent, qualified counselors who can begin to unpack the life experience of a young woman and help her begin to identify the childhood issues that have shaped who she is today.
Providing a calm, safe place (a safe harbor out of the storms of life) is also vital to a woman’s opportunity to heal from trauma.
Learning how to form positive, healthy, trusted relationships is also key to healing from trauma. If there is a single issue that has devastated the women who come to Ruth Harbor it is their long history of toxic relationships. Whether it was a parent or care-giver or a string of (often) abusive boyfriends, it is not uncommon for a woman to have never experienced a positive, healthy relationship. The truth is, if you have never been loved, you simply will not know how to love someone. Put another way, the people who most need healthy social connections often lack the basic skills to build them.
All of this takes time. A woman in her mid- to late-20s has a lifetime of trauma to unpack and it will not happen in a couple of months. We can help our Moms overcome traumatic experiences, but we also must acknowledge that trauma always leaves a scar.
As a Christ-centered ministry, we believe that true, complete healing is found in Jesus. A highly respected counselor in Des Moines, Heidi Vermeer-Quist, has adapted Reinhold Niebuhr’s Serenity Prayer for today:
God, grant me the SERENITY (tranquility, composure and peace) to ACCEPT (gratefully receive) the things I cannot change (others, outcomes and old stuff), COURAGE to change the things I can (myself in this moment, managing my feelings, attitudes, and behaviors), and WISDOM (understanding) to know the difference…For
Further Reading: What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing.
Welcoming New Babies
We have three new babies to announce. In early February, two new babies were born, one to a resident who was with us last fall and continues to be in touch with us and the second to one of our current residents. We have another resident who is ready to deliver at any time.
Thanks to your faithful giving, we can walk with these Moms as they seek to parent their child and provide a stable, healthy home. Pray with us for these three moms as they now wrestle with the challenges of parenting an infant.
We Are Hiring!
Do you know someone seeking a missional opportunity to serve in a biblical, gospel-focused ministry in Central Iowa? Forward this email to them and ask them to prayerfully consider how the Lord might use them to impact the lives of women and children.
We are adding to our team! Help us spread the word about these open positions:
Office Assistant (full-time)
Back-Up House Parents (part-time, hiring several)
Easter Basket Blessings
If you'd like to bless our residents by contributing items for Easter Baskets, the items can be found on our Amazon Wish List. Each year this initiative helps make this season special and creates joyful memories for our moms and babies. Please consider how you might participate, for there is much to celebrate... He is risen, He is risen indeed!